Agent Triplenine's mission report from Mission 743981 on May 26, 2007, the scouting and reconnaissance of the area known as Derryfield Park. As I was briefed beforehand, the government issued map of the area was not agreeing with the actual topography. Even though there was an area marked as a reservoir, (the road going around the area is even marked 'Reservoir Ave.') there seemed to be nothing there. I was sent to find out why.
Thankfully the planners had done their job and decided to send me in on a holiday weekend when there would be extra civilians around thus making it easier for me to blend in and not be noticed. Playing the part of a curious citizen, I first drove around the area to get a basic overview of what I would be facing. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until I saw the barriers across the road, blocking out entrance. Apparently there was indeed more than met the eye. Going back to the park (of which there was nothing unusual) I parked my vehicle and set off on foot. Not wanting to be spotted, I decided not to take the main road but instead chose one of the several paths leading back to the "Reservoir". Sneaking through the woods I bypassed the gates and made it into the target area. Keeping a sharp eye out for enemy agents (or anyone who might get in my way) I started investigating. To the untrained eye there was nothing wrong. The government did indeed have a water supply for the city up on a hill
and it was protected from ne'er do wells for the public protection.
To those who knew what to look for however, there were too many things that just didn't click. Barbed wire, sure that's normal, but rolls of razor wire? Guard posts with emergency radio towers?
Not being satisfied with what I was seeing I continued on. And then I hit the jackpot. What reservoir needed Bombproof Bunkers with Anti-Aircraft/Anti-Personal guns? This "Reservoir" was actually an outpost for the secret organization known as S.P.E.W.!(Scary People Enslaving the World)!
Having encounter S.P.E.W. before I immediately knew that this wasn't a simple water reservoir cover-up. That was just too small for them. Something far bigger and more sinister was going on. Having a better idea what I was facing I doubled my vigilance and moved on to find out the truth. Moving as a shadow along game trails I circled around the area to higher ground and there the awful truth was laid bare. There was no reservoir. Instead that was just a cover for a refinery of mind altering drugs! More specifically Zombitalis, one of the most insidious and powerful black market drugs on the planet! An airborne powder, Zombitalis has the ability to turn the strongest minded person into a gibbering zombie capable of no more than sitting on their couch and drinking beer! They had everything there. The storage and processing facilities,
as well as the drying fields.
The only thing that was missing was the instrument that they would use to spread this evil across the city. I knew that for this mission to be a success I HAD to find that diffuser so it could be destroyed. Unfortunately I also knew that with this kind of setup there would be more than ordinary security and I would be lucky to get out alive. This being a scouting mission however I was armed with nothing more than my wits so I wouldn't be compromised should I be caught. Never had I felt my life in so much danger.
Rounding the shoulder of the hill I saw it! S.P.E.W. had cleverly disguised it as an old disused ski lift. With the city spread out beneath it, and the ground cleared around it, the diffuser was in the perfect location to infect the entire city and turn all the inhabitants thereof into beer swizzling zombies.
Unfortunately at the same time I spotted the diffuser, my luck ran out. This area was so important to S.P.E.W. that they had dispensed with the usual human guards and instead turned an all automated system. Without knowing it, when I had come round the side of the hill I had walked right through a 'Radiation Amplified Light' barrier and set off the intruder alarms. Unfortunately this not only activated the alarms it also activated the Robotic Guard Attack Snakes that were stationed around the area. Armed not only with the usual heat seeking guidance system and poison spitting sacs these models also had the laser eyes and crushing muscles options!
Running, dodging, juking, dipping, jumping, and sprinting I raced for my life back along the paths that I had just traversed. Knowing that no one had every before evaded the R-GAS's only lent extra speed to my flight. Diving the last several feet through a barrier of laurel bushes, I rolled to my feet and dashed across the pavement to the safety of my car. Not wanting to blow their cover to the public, the Scary People recalled the Snakes and I was able to leave.
It is my belief that now that S.P.E.W. knows that we know what they are up to they will either accelerate their program or leave and try to take over another city. It is my recommendation that we send in
Special Agent TacCom to destroy their base and equipment before either of these can happen.
Agent 999
Labels: fun, made up, personal, pictures
